Dependency

I expect my 14 month-old to be dependent upon me- well at least somewhat....he is pretty stubborn, fighting to do everything himself, but at least he still depends on his Mommy for food among other important life necessities.  I wish I could slow him down a little...push the rewind button and just hold him for hours and hours while he falls asleep snuggled up to my chest all warm and cozy- such a tiny little nugget.  Nope, not anymore.  Nowadays he pushes me away and struggles to get down ready to explode out of my arms bolting for whatever is in arm's reach.  He is so full of life, such a booming ball of explosive energy.  He is focussed and driven, strong and determined...he is my little Capricorn.

So, dependency... I am very independent just ask my mother, and my wife.  Probably too independent, but that's for another day.  I like to stand on my own two feet, to do things for myself, to have confidence in myself without "needing" to rely on others to do things for me.  Honestly, I really don't like depending on anything...not the weather, not the time of day, not expected outcomes, not even the internet... I would rather plan for the worst and be surprised when things work out- yep, sounds depressing like i've survived abandonment as a child- nope...just bratty.

Well, this week due to the crazy freezing rain that fell from the sky the church lost power and the modem and internet were fried. So, we have not had an internet connection since last week.  This has not been a particularly easy week.  Some of my colleagues just see this as a  God holiday and spend time on other things... but for me, this has been tragic- what else is there to do?  Without the web I feel paralyzed, inhibited, less than, stifled, brain dead- yikes!  Yes, I think part of my brain is all membranish and things while the other half is full of code!  I mean what the heck?  What has happened to my generation and beyond that we are hardly functional without access to the internet, to our phones, to our iPads, laptops, etc.?  Though there are days when we are fully online that I don't even turn my computer on, and yet I am not all a rage those days- spinning out of control?!
I feel like I am learning a toddler's lesson or something, and not sure that it will even make a difference...............

Not sure that there is much more to say about this, but I do find it pretty despicable, and just bad taste to be so addicted to the internet that you would blog about it-  oh well...

It's working now, so I guess i can work again tomorrow.