Faith as "Fiducia"

“If I am capable of grasping God objectively, I do not believe, but precisely because I cannot do this I must believe. If I wish to preserve myself in faith I must constantly be intent upon holding fast the objective uncertainty so as to remain out upon the deep, over seventy thousand fathoms of water, still preserving my faith.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

     One of my Lenten practices has been to, again, give myself to my second love-- reading. This past week I read an article in the Huffington Post with the title, "Busy is a Sickness". In Summary, the author uses statistics from the American Psychological Association to remind her readers that busyness is killing them, literally. And contrary to the illusion that our society is becoming more and more sophisticated, thus, evolutionarily speaking, more adept at multi-tasking with the ability to more efficiently produce at a higher level in less time, this sickness of "busyness" is a self-induced epidemic that has the opposite effect, really, and threatens to erode that which is left of the "self".
      Author Scott Dannemiller, a Presbyterian missionary shares the following example from the journal, Science. 

"In America, we are defined by what we do. Our careers. What we produce. It's the first question asked at parties, and often the first tidbit of information we share with strangers. The implication is that if I am not busy doing something, I am somehow less than. Not worthy. Or at least worth less than those who are producing something.

Now, before you start to think this is just one guy's opinion, consider a recent study published in the journal Science. In one experiment, participants were left alone in a room for up to 15 minutes. When asked whether they liked the alone time, over half reported disliking it.

In subsequent studies, participants were given an electric shock, and then asked if they would pay money to avoid being shocked again. Not surprisingly, most said they would trade money to avoid pain. However, when these same people were left alone in a room for 15 minutes, nearly half chose to self-administer an electric shock rather than sit alone with their thoughts.

You read that right. Voluntarily. Shocking. (Which is so not punny.)

Think about what this means. Just being is so painful that we are willing to hurt ourselves to avoid it."

     The quote at the beginning of this post illustrates, for me, the tipping point from which we are either falling- prey to our own insecurities and hollow identities, or towards a more graceful acceptance of the self and for all that she has to offer. This kind of grace-filled acceptance I find to be deeply rooted in this fiducia type of trust, a deep faith in the self, in others, in possibility and in hope and as directly dependent upon the kind of trust in God that Kierkegaard said would surely keep us "out upon the deep, over seventy thousand fathoms of water, still preserving in faith". This is not the kind of belief or trust that would have us adopt every creed and doctrine presented in the Christian tradition, but a faithful belief that illuminates the relationship in God uniquely defined by our reliance upon God and as Marcus Borg said, "trusting in God as our support, foundation and ground, and as our safe place." 

I have to believe that those who find that they are afraid of themselves, afraid of being in their own company, must not have access to this kind of "safe place", must not yet understand fully the completeness of grace that surrounds them. The kind of grace that promises that one's spirit is never alone even when emptiness surrounds them, but rather given over to the fullness of God's presence found in the shelter of that safe "trusted" place. 

The only God that I would consider trusting in, the only God that I would seek to find shelter among, the only God in whom I would dare find a safe place- is the God whom I believe to be at work within each of us, inviting us to relationship, to be still, to sit awhile, to listen, to open ourselves to this most vulnerable trust that can "erode" the decay within us- the decay which feasts upon the lies of our busyness, upon the illusion of our invincibility, and upon our faithless practices perpetuated by a culture which is still seeking a floating device. 

Rather than find our selves flailing about upon the surface of the deep, fighting a sinking battle, may we give ourselves to grace this day, and find ourselves within the trust-filled companionship of the one who offers us a safe place in which to find shelter, love and support. 

Lenten Blessings.